Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Official Story Of How The End Was A Beautiful Mermaid Princess That Let Down The King Of The Sea...Starring Pat Morita As The King Of The Sea.

The End was a beautiful Mermaid Princess who was a little flighty and sort of dumb in an endearing way... and she loved her father, The Sea King... but she sometimes dreamed of being part of a world...part of a world of venues that have wonderful shows that aren't problematic and everyone enjoys going to.
So she (The End) ventured into a rough part of the sea to seek the help of the Sea Witch, Ursula...

[The following is a transcript of the transaction between The End and Ursula, The Sea Witch]

The End
Can you make me a venue that has wonderful shows that aren't problematic and everyone enjoys going to?

URSULA
My dear, sweet child.
That's what I do. It's what I live for.
To help unfortunate merfolk like yourself.
Poor souls with no one else to turn to.

And then the Sea Witch began to sing...

URSULA
I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And dear lady, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed

Come on, sing along if you know it...

URSULA
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them!
Yes I do

Pay attention now...this is an important part...

URSULA
Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
Yes I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

So, The End had a choice to make...

URSULA
Have we got a deal?

The End
If I become a venue that has wonderful shows that aren't problematic and everyone enjoys going to, I'll never be with my father or sisters again.

The Sea Witch wasn't sure who The End's sisters might have been, but she pressed on...

URSULA
Oh, and there is one more thing.
We haven't discussed the subject of payment.

The End
But I don't have-

URSULA
I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle!
What I want from you is - your Ability to let more than 125 people in the door.

The End
But without my Ability to let more than 125 people in the door, how can I-

URSULA
You'll have your looks, your pretty face.
And don't underestimate the importance of body language, ha!

[this part has been edited for time and to spare our viewers the sight of Ursula's off-putting hip movements]

URSULA
Come on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your Ability to let more than 125 people in the door!
You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad but true
If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll
Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soul

and then The Sea Witch uttered the magic words...

URSULA
Beluga sevruga
Come winds of the Caspian Sea
Larengix glaucitis
Et max laryngitis
La voce to me

Now, sing!

The End
Aah...

URSULA
Keep singing!

[End of Transcript]

...And The End did keep singing. And the Sea Witch caught the venue's Ability to let more than 125 people in the door in a sea shell.

1 comment:

Eric said...

i had a feeling that's what happened.